Have you ever found yourself in a position where you keep dating the same sort of man and perhaps it is not the kind you wanted? You continue to have suffer similar negative experiences and it feels like you are not getting closer to a long-term committed relationship that you were hoping for? Perhaps you are actively attracting the wrong kind of man without knowing it and this is a bad habit that you need to break. To break this pattern, though it may be seem counter intuitive, it all starts with you. Check out these tips below.
1. Be the kind of person you want to be with.
Think of all the qualities that you want in a companion. Do you have these qualities? Like attracts like, so if you want get the interest of a certain type of individual you need to essentially be of that caliber yourself. What are you working on to grow and develop and become the person that you would want to be with?
P.S. Knowing this is also good for conversations with your potential suiters as they will know that you are in pursuit of constant growth for yourself and will allow him the opportunity to divulge his self development practices as well. If he doesn't have any, it may give you reason to pause and reflect if this is someone you want to continue to see.
2. Treat Yourself as you want to be treated.
You teach all the people in your life how to treat you by the way you treat yourself and what you will tolerate and allow. For example, a guy doesn't show up for a date and doesn't call you but some days later he reaches out and wants a date that very evening. If you accept you are showing him that it is ok to ditch you, not communicate with you and that you are willing to completely bend to his schedule. You have taught him that you will accept these behaviors and that he can treat you in this way. Same with the guy (or friends & family) that only call or get together when they need something but should you ask for something…crickets. Or the guy that only calls late in the evenings but puts in no effort to take you out of get to know you, can you say booty call. The list of examples could go on and on but you get my point. Consider what you will, and are currently, accepting for treatment in your life and only accept the kind of behavior that you want long term. And, when you are being treated with the respect that you desire make sure that you recognize and reward said behavior to indicate that this is what you want to see in your life. I know it seems hard to believe but, and this is unfortunate, but men are not mind readers and they need some direction.
To the same point how you treat yourself also gives an indication of what you will accept in your life. So if you take care of yourself, you invest in yourself, you dress well and spoil yourself, this is signaling how you want your life to look and what expectations you have for yourself and therefore others.
3. Be Clear on Your Expectations
For as easy as this one is, not many women use it. We need to be clear on exactly what it is that we want for our futures. A lot of time women will underplay there wants or change it to match that of the man as they are simply worried that they will sound to demanding or scare the guy off. If a man doesn't have similar vision, values, wants or needs perhaps this isn't the right match anyways and it is better to know that sooner than later. In the end, a committed relationship means building a life together, so make sure it is something that you want to build otherwise you will end up building the dreams of someone else and leaving yours behind. And unfortunately it is because you allowed it. So make sure you are very clear as to your expectations for your life and be committed to them, the right guy will actually respect that.
4. Put in what you would like to get out.
I am a true believer of what you put in you get out. So if you want to be treated like a queen, treat him as a king. If you want a man that is a great listener make sure that you are showing up for him a listening and supporting. Show up in your relationship in every way that you want have for you and you will see that it is far more likely to be reciprocated.
5. Plan for happiness
Success in any realm of life is all about intentions, communication, planning & action. So if you want to grow and develop a successful relationship make sure you are planning for it, together. Plan ahead your dates, plan in fun, plan in meetings to discuss certain topics, plan combined workouts, plan to surprise him. Whatever it is that makes you happy, make sure that you are making it a priority and putting it into your calendars. Life is so busy and it is easy to lose sight of what is important so make sure that you are investing the time appropriately in your relationship in a balanced way. Consider (the both of you) that you relationship is like an investment more deposits are better than more withdrawals.
Your happiness in all forms all starts with you. Make sure you have the right elements in place to attract the kind of man you actually want to have in your life and build a future with. Now just for fun, take the quiz below and see what kind of man you are attracting!
I wanted to share an additional resource with you which I found very useful in leaning how to cultivate the relationship that I want in my life. Take the time and check it out below:
I would love to hear your results of your quiz, please feel free to share in the comments below.
Design YOUR Life ~ Be Authentic. Be You. Be Sharp